Category: Compassion

bless those that curse you, truth, Divine Love, God is love, power of blessing, power of multiplication, speak kindly, an inside job, patterns of pain, as within, where attention goes energy flows, humility, vulnerability, how you do anything is how you do eveyrthing

Bless those that curse you: the truth about divine love

Beth Gray - blogger, coach, consultantLeave a comment

We say that God is love, and by this, we typically accept that Divine Love is the law. We see the Divine as the embodiment of love; it is the very nature of the Divine. This love permeates all of creation, present in every one of us.

So, for example, we read in 1 John that anyone who does not love does not know the Divine because Divine Love is the very nature and essence of goodness.

Do you base your love for others on an expectation of reciprocity? Love based on expectations becomes a business deal – if you do this for me, I will love you. How could you make Divine Love an article of commerce? God’s pure love can only flow from a pure heart. It’s impossible to say that you are full of Divine Presence and not overflow with love.

The beatitudes remind us, “Bless those that curse you”.

When we bless, we invoke good upon, calling forth Divine Love. This power of blessing imparts the quickening of spiritual power: it produces growth and increases. It is the very power of multiplication.

A curse, on the other hand, is to affirm evil for or onto something. You might understand this as the removal of Divine Presence. A curse wishes upon others that they not bring forth spiritual good through Divine Love.

When we curse those who curse us, we start from a place of ego: taking upon ourselves the decision to remove Divine Love and Divine Presence from the equation. We punish tit-for-tat, diminishing the spiritual power that produces growth and increase. Because of our pain, we strike out to cause pain to another.

Divine Love, Divine Presence, God is love, bless those that curse you, all is one, what goes around comes around, reap what you sow
How do you speak up?

But while your ego may be satisfied, what good has this done for you or another?

Why speak kindly about those to talk badly about you?

Perhaps your natural response is to complain and play the victim. Yet, each time you retell the story of how they wronged you, you replay the emotions and feelings in your body. You relive the moment, over and over again. Our bodies are constantly in tune with these emotions: what are you creating in your health and well-being as you replay and relive a past scenario?

Our stress doesn’t happen “out there”. It is what happens within your mind and your body. How you respond matters: this is the energy that you mirror into the world. It’s the very same energy that will come back to you. In the same way that you can be sure that another person will reap what they sow – you will reap what you sow. You reap the rewards of your thoughts and your words.

How you do anything is how you do everything.

There is no better motivation to speak kindly about others than neuroplasticity! How you respond now is writing neural pathways in your brain. You can self-train and entrain yourself in how to respond.

Most importantly, these same neural pathways become your inner voice and inner critic. They become the automated response in similar situations.

How would you like to entrain yourself to respond in moments of being attacked and stressed in the future?

bless those that curse you, Divine Love, Divine Presence, God is Love, invoke good, neuroplasticity, how you respond

Finally, consider who is listening and watching you. If you curse those that curse you: who is hearing you do this? Perhaps your children are watching you. Is this what you want them to learn in life?

Or perhaps, you live the Christian life and want your life to be a beacon of light for others. If you claim to love God and yet do not show this in how you respond in everyday life, what example are you showing the world?

Divine Presence is an Inside Job

Transformation is not just what comes out of your mouth or the words that others hear. It is also your thoughts and feelings. So, if you are not feeling up to blessing someone that cursed you, take a moment to sit with your reaction. What is going on inside of you?

  • Is this about you and an experience from the past you have yet to heal?
  • Or perhaps, it’s a pattern with this person that repeats, and you have failed to set in place healthy boundaries.
  • On the other hand, it may simply be a reflection of the state of your relationship with this person.

As you sit with the inner awareness, take time to notice whether you have an overdue conversation with this person. What do you need to clarify or change? Is this a relationship that you can heal?

patterns of pain, healing, doing the inner work, Divine Presence

Patterns of pain

Alternatively, you might notice that your pain is unrelated to this person and what they said to you. What pattern of pain or hurt has this situation shone a light on that hasn’t healed? Is there forgiveness work that you have outstanding?

It is often the case that you remember the pain from your childhood that you have swept under the mat or rationalised. For example, it may well be that a parent, teacher or family member spoke in this way to you, and you felt helpless to respond.

Now, as an adult, you feel the anger of how they mistreated you. A part of you, because you understand that they were doing the best they could, perhaps has already said, “It’s okay, I understand”. But the very fact that you feel triggered sheds light on the healing work you have outstanding.

Will you take this opportunity to go within?

Divine Love often brings people into our lives momentarily to allow us to heal those parts of us that we are overlooking. It’s like a pumice stone that helps us slough off the old skin on the soles of our feet. In the same way, through these healing opportunities, we slough off the deadwood of our soul.

  • What about this person or situation is truly bothering you?
  • In what ways did they rub you up the wrong way?
  • Was it a particular word or phrase that they used?
  • Maybe it was the tone of their voice?
  • What about their opinion or comments is vital to you?
  • As you take time in the silence to consider this person or situation, do you notice a characteristic that you have avoided working on yourself?

Your gratitude: take a moment to thank this person for the opportunity they have given you to go within.

Divine Love flows, gratitude, thankful

Divine Love flows

If you take a lemon and squeeze it, you expect to get lemon juice.

If you are walking along with your mug of coffee, and someone bumps into you, causing you to spill it, what you will spill is coffee.

That is what you carried in your coffee mug.

So, when you are squeezed or bumped: does Divine Love flow from you? If anything other than Divine Love flows from you, start at the top and reread it all.

The person cursing you is an opportunity to go within. How you do anything – like how you respond when bumped – is how you do everything.

The only thing that can flow out of you is what fills you. Does your cup overflow with Divine Love and inner peace?

Where attention goes, energy flows.

You get to choose where to focus your attention any time another person attacks you. Will you focus on that person and what they have done? Will you choose to be the victim and replay the scenario over in your mind or with others? 

Or will you choose the path of healing? 

Every interaction with others is an opportunity to notice where you have blocks to the flow of Divine Love in your life. Humility and vulnerability allow us to accept “I am a work in progress”. But it requires that you be open to seeing and attending.  

What does Divine Presence require of you today? 

Bless those that curse you 

Could you bless this person and thank them for holding up a mirror for you to look at yourself thoroughly?  

Every person you meet reflects your stage on this journey of life and personal transformation. How does Divine Love overflow through your life? Does it seep out when life squeezes you? Does it spill out if you get bumped?

Divine Love is the law:

  • Love the Great Creator with all your heart, soul and mind; and
  • Love your neighbour as yourself.

This is what makes it possible to bless those that curse you.

wisdom, creative compassion, courage to act, fear of the Lord, wise action, taking action, generative wisdom, being wise, transformed, renewing of your mind, heart of stone, heart of flesh, vulnerable, open to change, Divine Purpose, finding your divine purpose, courage to act, wisdom must be embodied, pragmatic action, faith, works and deeds, love your neighbour, awe, Divine Love, divine presence, prayer, meditation, quiet reflection, changing our responses, forgiveness, learning to love and accept myself, a peace that passes understanding, source of abundance, health, wellbeing, diet, exercise, lifestyle choices, responsible

Ten years searching for Wisdom: creative compassion and courage to act

Beth Gray - blogger, coach, consultantLeave a comment

In one of the very first posts I ever wrote for this blog, I mentioned the 10-year challenge of “gaining wisdom”. And this year, as I finished re-reading for the third time “mBraining: using your multiple brains to do cool stuff“, I was reminded that wisdom is both material (on the earthly plane) as well as having a spiritual element to it.

Wisdom comes when we apply creative compassion to creative action. In fact:

Generative wisdom is far more than just having wise insights from your life experiences.

Soosalu & Oka, “mBraining”

It is not an end state of being wise, but rather an ongoing process, one that continually transforms who you are.

I cannot stress this enough: wisdom must be embodied in pragmatic action. The same way that we show our faith by our works and deeds, we embody our wisdom in action and the decisions that we make each and every day.

All knowing is doing, inspired action, take action, compassionate courage, smart courage, deep thought, thought leads to action
All knowing is doing. Dr. Humberto Maturana

Most of us that were brought up in churches can easily recite that to love God is to love our neighbour and to love our brother, no matter who they might be. We are likewise challenged to bless those who curse us.

It is not enough to be able to recite the Bible verse that says this, but rather to actually do it – in the midst of the emotional chaos and turmoil of conflict and upheaval.

It’s easy to be at peace and in harmony with God and others when you are sitting quietly, meditating and in prayer. But true wisdom is being able to hold that same inner peace in the midst of the unrest of every day triggers and people who would typically anger us or make us feel fearful.

I’ll show you my faith by my works is not simply about doing good deeds: but rather it is living that life of faith and Divine Wisdom in all moments of challenge.

The process of acquiring true wisdom is not one of studying and memorisation (although that is no doubt where it begins): it is in changing our responses and choosing a new way of acting and reacting in the world.

The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.
The measure of intelligence is the ability to change. Albert Einstein

The beginning of wisdom

This journey for me, into transformation and change, began with the search to understand “the fear of the Lord”. As a child, I had it hammered into me that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

Unfortunately, my understanding of “fear of the Lord” was heavily tainted by my understanding of the word “fear”. And my understanding of “the Lord” was much influenced by the descriptions of a terrible God sitting on a throne “in heaven” surrounded by “a host of angels” that were ready to send anyone and everyone to hell.

It was much more of a Machiavellian description of “tis better to be feared than loved”, than an understanding of awe, presence and communion. I certainly viewed God as being dangerous and painful. While I was perfectly capable of saying “God loves you”, it had quite the “domestic violence kind of love” written all over it. Unfortunately, I experienced a traumatic view of authority, which clouded and overwrote my views on God.

It has been hard for me to change and learn a new definition of Divine Love. One of the many reasons that you will find me referring more to “Divine” and “Source” rather than “God” and “the Lord” in this blog is that I am aware that I am not the only one that still has wounds to heal. I am perfectly clear in my mind that these are man-made wounds, by men (and women) who purported to be godly and “loving”. And horridly, wretchedly human.

I came close to throwing out the baby with the bathwater.

It is so much easier to say “God did this” than to take the time to separate the humanity of (mostly) well-intentioned, badly misguided men and women, and simply turn your back on the Divine.

Finding my way back to accepting Divine Love and living in that Presence has been a challenge: one in which I have had to be open and vulnerable to healing and change over these past ten years.

Forgiveness and learning to love and accept myself have been difficult lessons to live by.

A peace that passes understanding

And yet, in 2020, I had a year in which to come to grips with “how far I’ve come”. You might notice that there has been a hiatus in posting (for months on end).

Part of this was overwhelm with all that was happening in the world. Another part was being drawn into the shadows of “This is where you need to shine more light in your life and allow healing to take place. This is what you are holding onto and it’s time to let go of.”

The beauty of 2020, for me, was that I discovered that somehow, over the last decade, I had discovered “a peace that passes all understanding”. Accidentally tripped over it in the midst of chaos.

While I contemplated questions like:

  • What is truly important?
  • How does the way I am living my life reflect my values?
  • What do I trust in and where is my faith place?

I discovered that I had come to a deeper understanding of the simplicity of Source versus channel.

The Source of abundance, health and well-being is the Divine. The channels through which I may receive abundance can be a job, independent contracting or even gifts.

When I found my channels placed in jeopardy by the chaos of 2020, I suddenly discovered the my faith and trust had moved. I was no longer trusting in myself and my ability to create income: I had an inner peace I had never experienced before of “my Source” will provide a new channel.

Likewise, I’ve had to face thoughts and challenges regarding my attitudes towards health and wellness. I live from a place of responsibility: I am 100% responsible for my health and wellness and taking care of myself.

Ideas without action are worthless, inspired action, take action, wisdom is doing, compassionate wisdom, courageous action, courageous compassion, compassionate creativity
Ideas without action are worthless! Harvey Mackay

Nonetheless, the question arose: but where am I putting my faith?

Is my faith limited to what I can control and what I am able to do for myself? Or is it in something bigger than me? Can I trust in my Creator that I am wonderfully made and that all my cells and organs respond and vibrate to a Divine vibration of health and wellness?

Letting go: moving with inspiration

For most of us, 2020 gave us the challenge and opportunity to let go of life as we knew it (and planned it), and to turn our trust into Divine purpose and process.

Most of can quote many a verse that reminds us that everything that is happening is for us. But what does wisdom really look and feel like in the face of uncertainty?

There are moments when troubles enter our lives and we can do nothing to avoid them. But they are there for a reason. Only when we have overcome them will we understand why they were there.
There are moments when troubles enter our lives and we can do nothing to avoid them. But they are there for a reason. Only when we have overcome them will we understand why they were there. Paolo Coelho

In part, we have to be willing to let go of what was in order to step into what could be. This requires changes at so many levels:

  • from the heart: starting with love and compassion for ourselves and for others around us;
  • in our heads: minding our thoughts, especially the doubts, awfulisations and catastrofising that we do;
  • and in our guts: being willing to gently release the tight grip we have on our identity “this is who I am” and grow into a new creation.

On a spiritual level, it requires that we be reminded that we are souls having a human experience. Our spirits are searching for Oneness with the Divine – living constantly in that Divine Presence, rather than separated from. And yet the human experience teaches us that we are individual and separate from each other and from God. We are constantly trying to get back to God.

Creative compassion

Divine Love, especially in moments like these, invites us to get in touch with God’s plan and purpose in our lives. Each one of us has been given unique talents and gifts that are not shared by others.

Likewise, most of us have passed through levels of preparation. What life lessons have you learned that have moulded you into the person you are today?

Creative compassion invites us to have a look at everything we have to offer, as well as our heart’s desires, and ask:

What is truly on my heart?

This might include questions or thoughts of the following nature:

  • What might it be like to live in alignment with Divine Will?
  • How can I use all the gifts, talents and experiences I have been given to serve others?
  • Who am I drawn to serving?

Many of us, don’t have immediate clarity. Some, of course, get called similar to what we’ve read in the Bible:

  • Jonah – told exactly who to go to and what to say to them;
  • Jeremiah – given visions and messages
  • Peter – called by Jesus to leave his nets

Some of us might end up with an experience like Esther, put in a position where we only discover it’s purpose when there is a crisis “I was put here for such a time as this”. Others might experience hardship like Joseph, only to be called “when it’s time”.

Most of us, on the other hand, have nothing quite so concise. Life is much more mundane and subtle.

Are we listening for those callings?

Perhaps, like the Good Samaritan, we are simply called to go about our business and just help others anonymously when they are put in our path.

The only questions we have to ask ourselves is: am I living this life from a place of compassion for myself & others? Do I allow Divine Love to flow through me as a conduit and channel for others?

Sometimes the calling is simply to follow a new line of study or preparation, without knowing the end purpose. Can you trust the Divine to take that step without being able to see the full path ahead?

A man is the sum of his actions, of what he has done, of what he can do. Nothing else. Gandhi
A man is the sum of his actions, of what he has done, of what he can do. Nothing else. Gandhi

It takes courage to act when called:

Without action there is no true wisdom.

As James said, it is not simply about hearing “the Word” or memorising it. It’s no good to spout it out to others or recite it.

The true change happens when we allow it to change our heart: to give up our heart of stone and allow it to be replace with a heart of flesh. A hear that is vulnerable, open, soft and gentle.

When this happens, we learn to think in new ways. And as we begin to think in new ways, we learn to talk differently. We see through new eyes, with compassion and empathy.

It takes courage to allow Divine Love to change and transform our lives. In many cases, this means letting go of any hatred or fear that we have been harbouring. To start to let go of fear, we have to acknowledge and accept that we are afraid.

When I’m honest with myself: fear is usually about situations beyond my control. Like most of the things that happened in 2020. Letting go of that fear requires that I learn “fear of the Lord” in a new way: trust in the invisible.

And only now am I discovering that level of courage to have faith. I haven’t figured out my “calling”, but for now, I’m willing just to take the one next step that is clear on the path ahead and trust that the rest will be revealed when I’m ready.

Inspirations:

The fear of I AM THAT I AM is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge of the Divine One is understanding. For through wisdom your days will be many, and years will be added to your life.

Proverbs 9:10-11
The fear of I AM THAT I AM is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge of the Divine One is understanding. For through wisdom your days will be many and years will be added to your life.
The fear of I AM THAT I AM is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge of the Divine One is understanding. For through wisdom your days will be many and years will be added to your life. Proverbs 9:10-11

Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.

Proverbs 19:2
smart compassion, smart courage, taking inspired action, Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.
Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way. Proverbs 19:2

5 Trust in I AM THAT I AM with all your heart;
    do not depend on your own understanding.
6 Seek his will in all you do,
    and he will show you which path to take.

Proverbs 3: 5-6
Trust in I AM THAT I AM with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek Divine will in all you do, and the Divine will show you which path to take.
Trust in I AM THAT I AM with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek Divine will in all you do, and the Divine will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

Ezekiel 36:26
And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.
And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26

So get rid of your feelings of hatred. Don’t just pretend to be good! Be done with dishonesty and jealousy and talking about others behind their backs.

1 Peter 2:1
feelings, hatred, pretend, be good, dishonesty, jealousy, talking about others behind their backs
So get rid of your feelings of hatred. Don’t just pretend to be good! Be done with dishonesty and jealousy and talking about others behind their backs. 1 Peter 2:1
All knowing is doing
All knowing is doing. Dr. Humberto Maturana
wisdom, change, intelligence, divine love, The measure of intelligence is the ability to change. Albert Einstein
The measure of intelligence is the ability to change. Albert Einstein
ideas without action are worthless
Ideas without action are worthless! Harvey Mackay
There are moments when troubles enter our lives and we can do nothing to avoid them. But they are there for a reason. Only when we have overcome them will we understand why they were there.
There are moments when troubles enter our lives and we can do nothing to avoid them. But they are there for a reason. Only when we have overcome them will we understand why they were there. Paolo Coelho
A man is the sum of his actions, of what he has done, of what he can do. Nothing else.
Gandhi
We must be willing to let go of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
Joseph Campbell
We keep brainstorming options and plans, but Divine Purpose prevails.
We keep brainstorming options and plans, but Divine Purpose prevails. Proverbs 19:21
Life and death are in the power of the tongue, speak life, every cell in your body

Life and death are in the power of the tongue

Beth Gray - blogger, coach, consultant1 Comment

I’ve been somewhat unsettled in recent weeks hearing masses around the world chanting “I can’t breathe”. I believe in the power of the tongue in creating wellness and illness in our bodies.

I pin my hopes on George receiving justice: what was done to him was an abomination. I firmly believe that the systems that stand in place to perpetuate injustice and prejudice should be exposed and torn away—all the wrongs of those who are silenced and told that their opinions don’t matter.

I wasn’t going to write this post. This has been sitting in my drafts for two weeks. Not my place to comment. I didn’t want to be one to criticise.

But does holding back my voice not make me part of the problem, rather than contributing to a solution? So, let me say this clearly:

I am horrified by the continued use of the slogan”I can’t breathe“.

On the one hand, it’s great for the media. On the other hand, do those chanting it consider the double-edged sword it can be for their health?

Words spoken by masses with strong emotions: powerful stuff.

Calling into existence that which is spoken.

The question is: what does it create?

What spells are we casting?

We laugh at “abracadabra” – but many believe that the word actually has meaning and power.

Scholars who support the Hebrew etymology say that abracadabra is a corruption of the Hebrew, ebrah k’dabri, meaning “I will create as I speak,” ie that the act of speech will magically create new realities. … the words and letters of the Hebrew alphabet have the power to create.

Abracadabra, https://www.thejc.com/judaism/jewish-words/abracadabra-1.466709

life and death, Every cell in your body is eavesdropping on your thoughts & words, i can't breathe, #icantbreathe, united we stand, we can do it

Similarly, you may scoff at those that use affirmations and recite promises to themselves or God, claiming a blessing or healing.

But what if words and thoughts and emotions do have power?

This is particularly true of words spoken full of emotion.

What if I can’t breathe has power?

The first reference I can find to this slogan arises in late 2014, shortly after the asphyxiation of Eric Gardner by a police officer. His last words “I can’t breathe”, were raised like a mantra in the protests that followed in New York City.

“There was this quote staring me in the face, and that’s something that should be the quote of the year,” Shapiro recalled.
So the Yale Law Library’s associate director and lecturer revised his 2014 list, placing “I can’t breathe” in the top slot. His widely cited annual list, which is intended to capture the political and cultural mood of the country each year, serves as a supplement to “The Yale Book of Quotations,” originally published in 2006.

‘I can’t breathe.’ Eric Garner’s last words are 2014’s most notable quote, according to a Yale librarian

Unfortunately, when I took a quick look at the 2014-15 flu deaths for that same period, there was a small spike – from the usual 36,000 a year up to 51,000. Mere coincidence? Quite likely. There are probably a million factors that played a part in the increase. Again in 2017, when the book “I can’t breathe” by Matt Kaibbi comes out, and Queen Ifrica publishes her song “I can’t breathe”: we get another spike up to 61,000 flu deaths. Probably irrelevant.

However, at this moment in history, following on the heels of mass sickness caused by a little-studied virus, we have angry crowds chanting “I can’t breathe”. We have media pushing fear and uncertainty. We have politicians using fear for personal safety and security for their platforms and personal gain.

So, if our words do have power and every cell of our body is eavesdropping on our thoughts, emotions and words – recreating what we declare into existence – how important then are the words that we choose to chant in protest?

Justice for George becomes much more powerful than I can’t breathe if we believe that we have a hand in creating an outcome!

every cell in your body is eavesdropping on what you think, say, do and feel

Every cell in your body is eavesdropping.

In the same way that our mind is aware of everything that goes on in our body, our body and cells are listening and experiencing our thoughts, emotions and words. Unfortunately, our body takes those thoughts, emotions and words literally.

Our cells don’t differentiate when we are protesting from when we are having a phone call or merely meditating alone. Your body experiences your thoughts, emotions and words as they are. You can’t tell your body “I was just joking”.

Like a child that doesn’t understand sarcasm, our body responds to what was said and doesn’t take a joke. It takes everything we feel, say and think quite seriously.

In many different teachings, we find the effects of emotions on our organs:

  • anger: affects the liver
  • fear: affects the kidneys
  • grief: weakens the lungs
  • worry: affects the stomach
  • stress: wreaks havoc on your heart and mind

Examine, for a moment, how your words spoken with emotion are affecting different parts of your body.

Consider your inner child and the children around you:

We all have the voice of an inner critic stuck in our heads – and quite often it’s the voice of a parent, teacher or someone we respected or feared as a child. The voice that our child hears now is the voice that will become their inner critic in the future.

Do we want our children to have an inner voice that says “I can’t breathe”?

consider the impact of words on children

What are our children hearing and experiencing in the chants and protests? How are we explaining the situation to them? What conversations do we have that allow understanding, compassion and wisdom to guide the experience?

Consider a child: how do you build them up after you’ve stripped them down with words said in anger? Think for a moment about any relationship where words have been spoken in anger: if you don’t move past the hatred into love, understanding and acceptance, what footing is your relationship on?

The protests in Panama are not about Black Lives Matter: they are about the lock-down and people going hungry. I have it so much easier in what I have to explain! But I still have to explain to my daughter the images, emotions and even violence that she is witnessing if she catches the news.

At the same time, I explain how incredible our bodies and immune systems are! I talk about how we eat, and even how our emotions and thoughts can help us stay healthy and strong. I check myself any time I notice that I am feeling fearful or anxious: careful not to stuff it down but to release it. I don’t need my daughter to latch onto my fear or anxiety!

In the same way, I have to relate and quieten that inner child of my own: that part of me that feels insecure in any way.

Philippians 4:8, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy— think about such things.
Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy— think about such things.

The power of your thoughts

Your thoughts influence your words and your actions. Long before you choose to do something, you have probably considered it multiple times.

Think, for a moment, about words that you spoke to someone in anger. How many times had you thought that before you actually said it? Then, in a moment of rage and slightly out of control (or perhaps in control but no caring about the consequences) you actually said what you’ve been thinking for a while. You voiced how you truly felt. Maybe it wasn’t the whole picture. But it started with thoughts that you have mulled over.

Consider the effect of thinking “I can’t breathe”, with all the nuances that it carries. Perhaps one of those nuances is that the system is unjust and doesn’t allow you to speak your mind.

If you regularly think “the system is unjust”, are you motivated to change it? Or do you get caught in a feeling of hopelessness? Notice the difference between thinking “I can participate in changing this unjust system” versus thinking “the system is unjust”.

Have you noticed how all your thoughts influence your emotions and your words? If your thoughts control your actions, then they have a role to play in creating your future! The action you take has a direct impact on your results.

The power of our emotions when mixed with words.

Our words are so much more powerful when they are spoken with emotion. It doesn’t matter if you are creating and destroying.

Anger at injustice can provide us with the strength and courage to embark on a journey that we might otherwise never take. Unfortunately, anger can also eat us up on the inside if we bottle it up, rather than channelling and releasing it.

Before becoming a bitter person: this was probably an angry person. Over time, the fire of the anger dies down, but the embers continue to burn within. The dissatisfaction and discontent are still there, unresolved. After the explosion of rage burnt out, bitter ashes and disillusion are left.

When we start a journey to transform our community, we may embark on it out of anger and frustration at the current situation. It is terrific to shout out to the world:

This is wrong! Wrongs must be righted!

"Your anger is the part of you that knows your mistreatment and abuse are unacceptable. Your anger knows you deserve to be treated well, and with kindness. Your anger is a part of you that LOVES you."
“Your anger is the part of you that knows your mistreatment and abuse are unacceptable. Your anger knows you deserve to be treated well, and with kindness. Your anger is a part of you that LOVES you.” https://twitter.com/apocalynds/status/1269711325749563399

But at some moment, love and compassion for our community need to replace that anger against the aggressors as the driving force of change. When we fail to recognise that our passion is driven by love and stay only in the rage, we miss an opportunity to grown in greater love and compassion.

Revolutions begin in angry protest and perhaps even rioting but have to end in love and compassion to build!

Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Make sure your thoughts, emotions & words serve your goals.

I love that injustice has awoken people to stand up and make a difference in their worlds. But if I could ask just one thing, it would be this:

Choose your words carefully, especially those spoken with emotion.

I want to hear the masses chanting:

Justice for George!
We can do it!
United we stand.
Black lives matter!
Fighting for justice!
We stand for justice.
We demand justice!
Respect me.
My voice matters!

I’m sure you could make a better list of powerful statements that could create change, without cursing your body or those supporting you.

And when we are done tearing down what no longer serves us, let’s build communities of compassion, love and kindness. Communities that are safe for our children, and that allow us to learn what it means to love our neighbour as ourselves.

Your words can either speak life, or your words can speak death. Our tongues can build others up, or they can tear them down

Life & death are in the power of the tongue.

Prov. 18: 21

pay attention, words, sight, heart, health, guard your heart, bring healing, tongue of the wise, as a man thinks, so is he, a cheerful heart, good medicine,

If I look to Proverbs for Wisdom, these are but a few of the reminders about the power of our thoughts, emotions and words:

Proverbs 12:18
The tongue of the wise brings healing.

Proverbs 23:7
As a man thinks, so is he.

Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4:20-22
My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body.

Proverbs 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

ways to love your enemies, a month to be compassionate, love your friend, hate your enemy, let them bring out the best in you, bring out the worst in you, responding to triggers, feeling triggered, nice, nasty, good and bad, love the lovable, kingdom, live generously, benefits of loving your enemy, feed the hungry, forgive the guilty, welcome the unwanted, do unto others

Love your enemies: a month to be compassionate

Beth Gray - blogger, coach, consultant9 Comments

“It is easy enough to be friendly to one’s friends. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. The other is mere business.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

Valentine’s day is almost here, and I want to challenge you to love the people that trigger you and rub you the wrong way. The people that don’t fit your ideal image of what humanity looks like at its best. This might be:

  • troubled youth
  • the homeless vagabond
  • drug addicts
  • militant feminists / gays / Muslims / Christians
  • your parents, siblings or a co-worker

Who are you struggling to love and accept? For this Valentine’s Day – I challenge you to find space in your heart to love this person or group of people.

Just for one day.

compassion for a day

How is your religion serving you?

A 2012 study from the University of Berkeley found that typically atheists, agnostics and the non-religious were more motivated by compassion than those that considered themselves to be religious. In some ways, this infers that “love thy neighbour” has become more of a rule of external action, rather than kindness inspired from a loving heart.

Does your religion lead you to a place of moral obligation, while allowing you to avoid feelings of connection?

Unfortunately, it seems that the non-religious are more likely to give up their seat on a bus or train to a stranger. There is a surprising lack of empathy when we focus on following rules, rather than allowing ourselves to be lead from a heart of compassion.

While practising compassion results in subduing the ego and the self-centred mind, complying with the rules allows the ego to become self-righteous. We become the very Pharisees that Jesus decried. “Look how well I follow the rules .” Unfortunately, then our ego begins to hide behind self-righteousness, with a false sense of wellbeing and goodness.

Being religious may very well diminish our capacity for empathy and compassion.

What does the Bible say about this?

The very essence of Jesus’ teachings is love and compassion. For example:

43-47 “You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’
I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst.
When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does.
He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty.
If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that. 48 “In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.”
Matthew 5:43-48 (MSG)

We also read in other places “if your enemy is hungry, feed him”. Then, in 1 John we find

If anyone boasts, “I love God,” and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won’t love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can’t see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You’ve got to love both. (1 John 4:20 – MSG)

How well are you doing with loving your brother, your neighbour, your co-worker that irritates you or that person that strikes fear in your heart?

what does the Bible say about this

Where neuroscience meets ancient wisdom

I’m lucky to get to study and practice mBraining (Soosalu & Oka) and mBIT (multiple brain integration techniques). Because of this, I’ve learned to make a clear distinction between what I use my head for – thinking, logic, analysis & creativity – versus how I use my heart. I use my heart for feeling & connecting (with myself and with others). While I might analyse and make meaning of my emotions in my head, I recognise that the feeling happens within me, not in my mind.

Over time, I’ve recognised that I when I get deep into learning (books & knowledge), I end up in my head, rather than in my heart. It takes a different kind of learning for me to have a change of heart. The risk of being “in my head” is that ego comes into play – I start imagining and visualising stories of who I am or who others are. Instead of connecting with the person, heart-to-heart, I allow myself to catastrophise or awfulise any past experiences I have had.

Who are you?

I’ve also learned with mBraining that our identity – who we deeply are – lies down in our gut, not in our heads. If you think of a fetus or embryo, the gut forms before the heart and the head – and our very primal system of self-preservation (including the immune system) lies with our belly.

So, when we want to make a profound, long-lasting change in our lives, head knowledge is only the very tip of the iceberg. It is only the first step. We have to “take it to heart” and “digest it” before we can look for actual change and transformation.

Unfortunately, we can also get caught up in having an identity forged on being part of a group or a religious organisation. This forces us to follow the rules and kowtow to behavioural expectations. Another way to hold your identity, however, is to see yourself as Jesus invites us to as a “child of God”. As such, your identity changes from having your security in obeying the rules to having security based on identifying with the Divine.

The presence of the Divine in everyone I see

“To love another person is to see the face of God.”
― Victor Hugo, Les Miserables

seeing God in the face of another, practising kindness, compassion, love your enemies, practising loving kindness

Every person you meet is a reflection of the Creator, loved and set upon this earth with a purpose & passion. They may have chosen not to follow their purpose or calling, but they are no less God’s children than the prodigal son.

They breathe in the same breath of life that you or I breathe.

The same way that you expect others to show you empathy & compassion for your mistakes and shortcomings give them that same latitude. You had a moment of “come to Jesus” on your spiritual path, whether you choose to believe and follow the Christian path or another.

But at some point, you had an awakening – a moment of accepting your gifts and callings. Of realising that everything before then was simply preparation for the spiritual path, you would choose.

Can you look at the homeless person or the drug addict before you and see their calling to be all they were created to be? Can you be patient and kind while they find the courage to accept it?

They are not the enemy, only friends that you haven’t yet had the pleasure of getting to know.

“Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”
― Abraham Lincoln

Practical ways you can love your enemies

Start with humility

All love begins within, being willing to look at yourself with love and compassion. This humility allows you to forgive yourself, truly seeing your shadows, weaknesses & darkness. Acknowledging your mistakes and feelings that we try so hard to hide – shame, guilt and fear.

When we are humble, we can genuinely say “There, but for the grace of God, go I.”

Focus on Divine Love

Loving God with all your heart, mind & soul allows you to love your neighbour as yourself. But it’s not just loving the Divine. It’s accepting reciprocation. Can you accept that you are loved? Can you allow Divine Love to fill your lungs with every breath you take, to fill your bloodstream and reach every cell of your body?

If you aim each day to be Divine Love in the world around you, you will come to realise that love is patient and kind, without envy, boasting, and self-seeking. This same Divine Love is not quick to anger, forgives easily and keeps no record of wrongs.

Could you live each day from a place of this kind of love?

Practice empathy & patience

Putting it into practice requires that we put ourselves in the shoes of others. Until we get to know another person, we are oblivious to their experiences, their family background, education, and even opportunities. What are the challenges and obstacles that they are currently faced with?

It’s easy to judge another when we make up stories in our head. It’s a lot more complicated when we take the time to truly listen and get to know what is going on in their lives. What mistakes have they made that they are struggling to overcome?

Could you allow yourself to see their pain and feel for them?

Practise forgiveness

Most of us know the line “and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us” or some version of it. My experience has been that the hardest part of forgiving another person is admitting what I forgive them for!

I cannot forgive and release what I am not willing to admit exists. If I believe “I should not feel ashamed”, and so ignore my feelings of shame, I cannot forgive what I feel ashamed for. Until I am willing to admit to the existence of what I feel, I cannot experience it and allow it to flow. Likewise, if I am feeling hate towards someone and limit myself to “I am not supposed to hate anyone”, I make it impossible to work my way through it.

How often are we offended by what someone said because we judged them by the lens of what happened five or ten years ago (perhaps even with another person)? Who needs the forgiveness: the person that just offended you, the person that hurt you all those years ago, or you for carrying this all these years without facing it?

Practising forgiveness requires that you dig deep into your personal darkness and baggage. It’s one of the most uncomfortable tasks of my spiritual practice, even now.

Be willing to take a step back

Often, our perspective is tarnished by the lens and angle we are looking through. Are you ready to take a step back or to the side, to look from another angle?

For example, what if instead of seeing it just from your point of view, or the point of view of the other person, you pulled up a third chair and looked at the two of you from the perspective of an onlooker. What would you see? How does this inform your compassion?

And if you were to raise up, higher, from a bird’s eye view of all the moving pieces of the past hour, day, weeks or years that lead up to this moment and this encounter – what would you notice differently? About yourself? About them?

Dare to be love & compassion

“Want to keep Christ in Christmas? Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, forgive the guilty, welcome the unwanted, care for the ill, love your enemies, and do unto others as you would have done unto you.”
― Steve Maraboli

It takes a brave person to see another as a beautiful human being and human becoming. When we look through Divine Love, we see infinite potential in each person we meet. But first, you have to be open and vulnerable: willing to see yourself as infinite potential.

Perhaps the answer to your prayers is you, and you are meant to be the change in the world that you desire to see.

sign up, weekly newsletter, Divine Presence
Sign up to receive Beth’s weekly newsletter with the latest blog posts, journal prompts and affirmations.

love is kind, celebrating World Kindness Day, practising kindness, being kind, good deeds, compassion, being compassionate, thinking of others, do unto others, be kind to yourself, practice kindness, show kindness, spread kindness, how to practice kindness and compassion, love is kind meaning, compassion and kindness, compassionate and kind, loving and kind, habits of kind people, benefits of kindness, importance of kindness, ways to make kindness a habit, the power of kindness

Love is kind: celebrating World Kindness Day

Beth Gray - blogger, coach, consultant4 Comments

Yesterday, November 13, was World Kindness Day. And after 9.00 p.m., when I hadn’t yet finished writing this blog post, I decided that the greatest act of kindness and self-care for myself was to go to bed!

Today, like most days, I’m up at 4.00 a.m. My body has decided that this new schedule works better!

I’m adapting to not staying up till 11.00 p.m., burning the candle at both ends – learning that kindness starts not with others, but showing compassion to myself. Especially since me tired and cranky, lacking in sleep, is not putting my best foot forward to be kind to others!

Kindness is a habit that starts with me being fully rested – at least to the extent that it is available to me!

I am loving the early mornings.

The stillness and quiet.

Being awake before the birds even start their morning songs! Hearing that first chirp of bird song, and then others waking and joining in.

Being still and knowing that I AM is within me, all around me, and having the opportunity to ask how I can best express love in the world today.

Why does kindness matter?

Find me a Christian who is not kind – and I will challenge them to their face that they are not a true Christian. At the very least, they are failing to be renewed by the transforming of their mind!

Anyone who does not love does not know I AM, because I AM is love.

1 John 4:8

End of story.

And from 1 Corinthians 13, we know that Love is Kind.

I accept that there are more verses in the Bible that speak to the kindness of God than the kindness of man.

Kindness is forgiving

Nonetheless, the verses that speak about our challenge to be kind are crystal clear that kindness goes hand-in-hand with forgiveness. Your measurement of commitment to being Christ to others is whether you accept forgiveness and grant forgiveness to others.

For example:

… be kind and merciful, and forgive others, just as God forgave you… 

Ephesians 4:32

If you want to understand better this idea of “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, get very clear about the role that kindness, mercy and forgiveness play in your daily habits.

Consider how well you have mastered holding firm to kindness as a way of being.

love is kind, practising being kind, learning to be kind, kindness and truth

Don’t mistake kindness for niceness

In Proverbs we find:

Do not let kindness and truth leave you. Tie them around your neck. Write them upon your heart.

Proverbs 3:3 (NLV)

So, when we speak truth, it must be with kindness. And in order to be kind, we need to hold onto truth. Anything less is inauthentic. Is there any real kindness without truth?

We are told to speak the truth with love, with compassion and empathy. And that seems to be harder in our culture as we have lost the ability to have difficult conversations. We’ve learnt not to talk about politics or religion at the dinner table, but now that’s extended to we simply don’t talk about them. Then we wonder why society has lost the ability to speak about controversies with respect and kindness.

But, by the same token, if we are busy being nice, we might leave out the truth. Because that’s nicer. But it ignores the sense of betrayal that the other person gets when they find out the truth. It’s not always possible to simply be agreeable and not ruffle any feathers.

Living as a people-pleaser – always being nice – is exhausting. When the resentment starts – the niceness ends.

It’s much better to choose kindness with truth – which may be somewhat uncomfortable as you navigate learning how to be kind while being authentic, but the long-term benefits far outweigh the risks. Practising kindness includes being kind to yourself. It’s not just good deeds and being nice to others.

Kindness stands hand-in-hand with justice

The same way that kindness requires truth, it also requires justice. It doesn’t have to be a harsh and unforgiving justice, but it does require that injustice be stopped in its tracks.

Practising kindness may be as simple as standing up for someone in your community or school against bullying, or making a stand with part of your community for their right to be heard and given a fair audience.

He has told you, O man, what is good—
    and what does the Lord require of you,
but to do justice and to love kindness,
    and to walk humbly with your God?

Micah 6:8 (MEV)

Perhaps you need to attend that community meeting. Or kindness might just be showing up at your local animal shelter and taking care of the rescues who no one has taken time to share love and justice with.

How can you choose today to show kindness and spread kindness in your community?

What does it look like for you when it goes hand-in-hand with justice?

love is kind, compassion and kindness, compassionate and kind, kind and loving

Kindness is patient, Spirit-filled living

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control …

Galatians 4:22-23 (RSV)

Can you practice kindness, thinking of others, without patience? What would it mean that love is kind, if you have no patience or no self-control?

Imagine, if you can, someone impatient, with no self-control, trying to be kind.

Consider, for a moment, kindness without gentleness and goodness.

The fruit of the Spirit all go hand-in-hand: in order to have one, you have to practice all of them. And as much as I would love to say you get baptised in the Spirit and it all magically changes and you become magically transformed into having all of those qualities at all times – my experience in life has been otherwise.

Much like a potter moulds the clay, we are moulded by life.

For better or for worse.

We get to choose whether we allow life’s lessons to teach us how to practice kindness and compassion in every situation – or whether we will simply react. Compassion and kindness are not learnt in a vacuum, but in our every day experiences.

In fact, spiritual growth is not what happens when you are ardently praying and studying. Spiritual growth is what happens when you are facing life’s storms!

  • It’s how you respond when someone is trying your patience.
  • The way you speak to someone when you haven’t had enough sleep.
  • How you choose love rather than anger, when another person is baiting you

Compassion and kindness show up every day as habits, the habitual way that you respond and react to life’s situations.

Practising kindness each day

Kindness is not something to practice and celebrate one day of the year!

It is the every day sweetness of life.

If you can’t be anything else – be kind.

compassion, love, mercy, kindness, empathy, understanding , sensitive, charity, heart, generous, balanced, emotions, alignment, aligned, coherence, coherent, gratitude, coach, life coach, transformation, change, heart-centered

Compassion: loved by the Divine

Beth Gray - blogger, coach, consultant6 Comments

I’ve spent a lot of time, these last three weeks, in silence – being still with my thoughts. I also spent a lot of time binging on Netflix in between. I was trying to work through a particular pattern in my life that I was sick of repeating!

But, I also had to recognise that I couldn’t spend 8 hours a day just in inner work. I would reach a point where I was tired of thinking and contemplating, and wanted to be mindless and entertained. It felt like too much to try to work it all out.

Read More »
transformational coaching, team builders, following, Jesus, footsteps, coach, shekinah, practice presence, be present, presence of God, Holy Spirit, meditation, silence, daily

Transformational coaching: Jesus

Beth Gray - blogger, coach, consultantLeave a comment

A few weeks ago I stumbled across Doug Firebaugh’s article, titled  Jesus, The Original Networker—9 Business Lessons from the Bible  1st Sept 2016 issue of Networking Times). My curiosity was piqued about number of the points he made from the life of Jesus, particularly since Jesus, in Mark, asks 65 questions to his disciples, followers and pharisees.Overall, throughout the gospels, Jesus asks some 307 questions.

Read More »